Megan Fox Hella Hot Down Mexico Way for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Premiere

Megan Fox could sell me anything. Even on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While I have a feeling it's going to insult my childhood something fierce, how I can I really skip any movie with the delicious brunette sextastic Megan Fox running around in tight sweaters. I'd watching her cleaning stables dressed like that.

Megan Fox was the star of the red carpet for the TMNT premiere in Mexico City, where she showed off her svelt figure and perfectly toned legs and make everybody stop carrying about the turtles origin stories and similar fan boy divisions. It was just about imagining April O'Neil diligently reporting on the feelings of passions running up and down your nervous system. The tingles have spoken. I will see you opening day, Megan. Sucker am I. Enjoy.

Jessica Impiazzi Topless TOWIE Sunbathing Uncensored and Off the Racktastic

 

Reality TV giveth and it taketh away. We know what it takes away. Our humanity. Our souls. And our dignity. But, perhaps a small price compared to what it has given us. A stable full of attractive young women with major league bazoongas competing for worldwide attention. That's never been a bad thing.

The Only Way Is Essex in the U.K. has brought us a whole gaggle of young curvaceous hotties with not much on their minds, but oh so much on their bodies. Or in the case of Jessica Impiazzi on holiday, not so much on her body as she removed her bikini top to reveal just a stellar pair of Funions in need of a little sunshine. Oh, my, those are passion inducing peaches. Jessica, thank you. Reality television, thank you even though you know not what you do. Even a broken clock shows off its ridiculously hot bare body twice a day. Enjoy.

‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ Trailer Drops Some Abraham Lincoln On Us (VIDEO)

Call of Duty- Advanced Warfare Campaign Trailer
Plus, a brief glimpse of the multiplayer.

At this point, we’re all pretty damn well acquainted with Call of Duty plots. Countries are pissed at other countries, harsh words are said, important dudes’ mothers are accused of having weight problems. Somebody doesn’t send out that thank you card for the cookies at World Leaders’ Meeting About Trivial BS Day, and the whole thing escalates.

Before you know what the balls, furious studly dudes with guns are wrecking shit all over the place. No shit is left un-wrecked.

Also, terrorists.

So, here comes Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and its fancy new campaign trailer. It presents a world in turmoil, after the first global terrorist attack in history. Who can prevent these atrocities on innocent nuclear reactors the world over? You, that’s who. Take a look at the shady new ATLAS Corporation in action above.

Bruna Marquezine WAGalicious Brazilian Bikini Booty on a Yacht in Ibiza

Well, Neymar, you did lose the World Cup and hurt your back, but Bruna Marquezine in her bikini on your yacht in Ibiza seems like a fairly nice consolation prize. All I got after the World Cup was about three bucks in recycling returns. Bruna seems like a bigger win.

Bruna Marquezine lists herself as a teen actress and I'm not sure about the acting part, but the barely legal status seems to be verifiable. As does the Sudamericana booty Bruna was showing off in her skimpy bikini bottoms. I have to respect Neymar for going solid rump in his selection of pretty much any young model in the world he could have as his girlfriend. Being an ass-man speaks to integrity. Bruna, you are so much better than a silly tin cup. I'd take a flop on the pitch for you any day. Enjoy.

 

Lily Allen Takes A Bikini Dip In NYC

British singer and sexy person Lily Allen went for a swim at the Soho House Hotel in New York City. She wore a teeny tiny blue and orange bikini that showed off her bangin' figure. Yes, her body is so amazing I had to go back in time and bring back the word bangin'. It appears that the water in the pool was cold because Ms. Allen's nips were certainly perky and present. Lily's ta-tas are the definition of the term pert. She's the kind of gal who can get away with never wearing a bra and a celebrate her right to do so. She's also got a fairly extraordinary booty which is shown off in her tight blue bottoms. I've always had a thing for Lily Allen ever since I first saw her on an English talk show years ago. She's one of my celebrity free passes.

It's hard to believe that someone so hot is the sister of Alfie Allen, (Theon Greyjoy) from Game of Thrones. I would gladly be her Reek anyday.

Nicola Peltz Deep Cleavage At “Transformers” Premiere In Japan

Actress and giant robot friend Nicola Peltz looked unbelievably hot at the Japanese premiere of Transformers: Age of Extinction. She wore an orange dress that had a plunging neckline, and by plunging I mean it was completely open to her belly. It seems that Japanese customs confiscated her bra because she wasn't wearing one. The result is an epic amount of cleavage. Her chest is the thing I want to view in digital 3D. There was also a bit of sideboob action for our viewing pleasure. Nicola is so sexy that I'm actually going to go see this Transformers. I will give Michael Bay that he has cast some pretty sexy women in these fighting robot movies over the years. First Megan Fox wore short shorts draped over Bumblebee or whatever and now Nicola is fighting for humanity's right to survive with her hotness.

If robots taking over the world movies have taught me anything, from Transformers to the Terminator, is that our best hope for survival is scantily clad women.

Hayley Orrantia Purple Bikini For a Water Goddess Introduction to Egotastic!

Hello, hottie Texas brunette thespianic Hayley Orrantia. You may have seen Hayley in her role on The Goldbergs on ABC. Or, now you can see her pushes up in her bikini top all purple and hard to miss on the beach in Malibu. I think I might just be in lust. Strike that, I know I am.

How jealous I quickly become of things such as the ocean surf as it laps up the sweet behind of young sextastic celebrities like Hayley. Why I am tortured to look from behind my mini spy binoculars while the salty brine can lap her up in every crack and crevice. Alas, maybe in my next life. Enjoy.